Diamond cut Diamond--Ultra-Vival

Rei Morishita from Japan: Environmentalist, poet, essayist. Everything, various things will be taken up. Originally, it was a blog about disasters, and expanded to say romance, for example, is a kind of disaster because it is a problem of one’s survival.

Love comes unexpectedly (prose poetry)

Love comes unexpectedly (prose poetry)

My romance itinerary part 3

I met a nice woman. It was a completely unexpected encounter. I also fall in love. There are nearly 10 women whom I was conscious of getting married. However, it has never been fulfilled and as of March 2004, I’m still single, 44 years old.

Of course, that person, Ms. F, was also catastrophic. However, the shadow of Ms. F cast on my destiny was greater than any other woman. Of course, the influence of other women is too much to be ridiculous. I think that love encourages the growth of men or women.

At that time, I was in Group N, an organization that sends messages in the fields of forests and forestry. It was in 1986. It's an unforgettable year for me. In the early spring of this year, my mother died after moving from one mental hospital to another. I joined Group N in May and also experienced the leaders of events such as "Kids Camp". Then, in September, a woman who publishing a town magazine asked me to talk about Group N. In that case, I tried to refuse that there are many other suitable persons, but "only you can be invited" "I may that is the case. I see." "Ms. F is also called as a lecturer." "I do not know such a person ."--- we had such an exchange of words.

And on that day, I arrived at the lecture hall late due to the woman's mistake, and first scolded her for her inadequacy. While thinking, "Well, a woman who is doing a resident movement is like this," I asked, "By the way, who is Ms. F?" Thinking that she was a woman of One of Them anyway. However, it was a beautiful woman of mysterious age who was introduced as Ms. F! She was wearing a beret, wrapped in a pink sweater, and smiling at me. I instinctively asked the planner, "Where is the toilet?" That was the encounter.

Three lecturers were invited to this lecture. Ms. F was sitting to the left of me, and when I asked, "Do you want to change seats?", She answered, "It's okay as it is." Well, it's her turn. I listened to Ms. F's story, wondering what kind of story this beauty would be talking about.

The story shocked me. It was an activity report of "The research club of children's play and town: dare in English" to which Ms. F belongs. In the first place, city planning has traditionally given little value to "children's playgrounds," which was neglected. But there is no doubt that it is a fine urban facility. It was "The research club of children's play and town" that focused on the "play and playground" and carried out unique practical activities. (It is a society that has been progressively dissolved and does not exist now.) Ms. F was the secretary-general and idea gal of the society. They won the Grand Prix in the "Contest for the Toyota Foundation to give 5 million yen prizes to the residents' movement to revitalize various parts of Japan". I thought, "I can hear such a story in city planning!" And "What an attractive woman!"

Next is my turn. I talked openly and openly.
The talk of the other instructor was over, and during the Q & A session, I held out my left hand, wondering if something could be seen on my left side. She also extended her hand and touched each other. Electric Current flowed through each other. And we withdrew each other’s hand. Only I and she know that fact. Still, the women who speak roughly said, "You two look good." A book of The research club of children's play and town (ed.) Brought by Ms. F ,I bought like a thirsty traveler asking for water.


The lecture was over and the time to be each other was short. There was a dog at the exit. I stroked it lightly. Ms. F held it tightly and poured a lot of love into the dog. What would happen if the dog wasn't in between, that is, me and her alone? The answer is simple. We will love each other strongly. I was happy and thought, "I've fallen in love!" It's like walking on the moon.

On the way back to the station, the woman of the town magazine has gone, there was me and Ms. F only. At that time, I was at the office of Ms. J, a member of the Tokyo Metropolitan Congress in Kunitachi along the JR Chuo Line, and asked, "It's close, are you going to stop by?" "No, I have a job," said Ms. F. I said goodbye and ran up the stairs at the station, saying, "Workers are hard." At that time, I didn't miss the tears in her eyes. I dared not to say hello on the platform, so I went to the Kunitachi side and she was stubbornly sitting near Shinjuku as if she was in a sleep paralysis. I decided, "What a polite woman! Okay, I'll definitely contact you again." The next day, when I asked Ms. F's address and phone number from the planner, I immediately wrote a letter. I also did a TEL in anticipation of when it arrived. The letter was answered immediately. It was a favorable content. It is a dating start.

However, when I asked the woman of the town magazine later, she said that she planned the lecture for fun, thinking "What would happen if he and she met each other?" In other words, it was a matchmaking. I'm glad and annoyed.

@ Better half (better half body)

The Department of Urban Engineering, Faculty of Engineering, University of Tokyo is made up of two pillars: urban planning and sanitary engineering. During the high-growth period, one course from the Department of Architectural Engineering and one course from the Department of Civil Engineering were pulled out, and the Department of Urban Engineering was completed. The origin of architectural engineering is urban planning, and the origin of civil engineering is sanitary engineering. And if you say that these two sections are good friends, they are insanely bad. City planners think of sanitary engineering as a pit latrine, and sanitary engineers think of city planning as an idiot who can only make models of buildings. I was no exception to that example, and I did not admit it except for Associate Professor Michiyoshi Morimura( I would mention someday).

However, the work of "The research club of children's play and town" is playful even though it is backed by a strict awareness of the current situation. "This requires a review of city planning," I felt. Shall we not love Ms. F who taught me that? City planning and sanitary engineering are better half, so I thought we were better half. By the way, the study group had no direct connection with the Department of Urban Engineering, and Ms. F was not from the University of Tokyo.

@ Fierce battle of love

I went to the study group to play. Ms. F treated me with grapes from her hometown of X prefecture. It was a fun time. I thought that the relationship would continue as it is without any discrepancy. For example, when I said, "From an educational point of view, when investigating a river, you should start walking downstream," she took notes seriously. This is because the image that the river becomes dirty as it goes downstream and that people who go down the river become "dirty" accumulates. In that case, it is natural that it is better to meet the clean flow of the water source at the end. We were able to share the essence of each other from their respective fields of expertise. However, the road we walked was a thorny road. One of the members of the study group was a graduate student enrolled in Associate Professor Morimura's laboratory, and when I and he were alone, he suddenly became nauseous when we were having a conversation. Perhaps he was overwhelmed by the amount of information I was talking about.

Later I told Ms. F, "He's rude to vomiting in public." She immediately accused me of "Why do you say such a ruthless thing!" Of course she wasn't there, so she shouldn't know the truth. I blamed him for rejecting it, even though I was talking seriously, not for vomiting. But I think she wanted to say, "In any situation, we must not forget our kindness as a person." I regret and Ms. F forgave me. This is OK.

Before or after that, there was something like this. When I unraveled the edible chrysanthemums I bought in the shopping district near the study group, spread them out in the study group's room, and came back to the study group, the chrysanthemums were miserably thrown away in the garden. I remembered what my mother did in junior high school. It overlapped with Ms. F. Feelings in the middle of love and hate ... I wrote down and went home: "The chrysanthemum seems to be dry, so I'll take it home." Well, this is also OK. But there was one difficult problem.

Actually, when she met, Ms. F already had a cohabiting partner and was dating on the premise of marriage. I felt desperate asking, "Can I interrupt they?" Invited by her, I participated in the "Festival / Mochitsuki Event" sponsored by the study group. I can't see her, where is she? As I was walking, she came from the other side. Perhaps it was because they were embarrassed to notice each other when they were looking for each other, and we passed each other.

Ms. F is a versatile person who composes and plays the piano. It made me feel desperate to hear her playing with his cohabiting guitar. I can't play an instrument at all. There is nothing more frustrating than this. I was mashing mochi as if with anger.

And it became an event launch party. Mr. G, the representative of the study group, said: "Ms.F,Why don't you introduce, Mr. Morishita to everyone?"
Ms. F: "Why do I have to introduce him?"
Me: "Then, I will introduce myself."
Ms. F said about herself: "I'm a woman too!" Without a break I: "Hey, you were a woman, I didn't know."
When it came to the topic of music, I: "I like Kei Ogura" Without a break She: "I hate Kei Ogura because he's dark"
These exchanges are also fun for us in love. Because we deliberately provoke each other.

The party is over and it's time to say goodbye. I was so quick that I quickly got out of the study group building and waited for her. But she thought I had already left, leaning against his cohabiting partner. When I saw it, I was wondering if She had called me to show it off, but when I said goodbye, I lonely went home. We were both young. It is common for women to be courted by multiple men, and Ms. F was at a loss too.

@ "For her" -one more word ...!

Actually, there was another difficult problem to get along with her. It's a problem on my side. I had the intention of living alone in an abandoned house in the mountains rented by Group N, which I shouldn't change. So I had a job to do before I left Tokyo. One is to invite the impressive people I have met to the "M. Infinite Continuous Course" that I planned. Of course, Shuhei Kosaka (a philosopher I was influenced by) and Ms. F will also be invited. The other is to create a pamphlet on disaster prevention. This was originally planned as a love letter, a message addressed to Ms. F.

From such a story to start with. According to Ms. F, "The study group is not doing any interesting activities right now. Why are you visiting?"
I didn't answer. But in my heart, I answered, "That's because I want to see your work style!" There is a famous method of organizing materials and extracting rules called the KJ method, but she devised a technique equivalent to it herself. Since I was a kid, I have had an indescribable affection for a woman who works with familiar gestures. It was a fresh surprise to see her work and the operation of the study group, and compared to that, the fact that the study group was not particularly active at that time was not the number of things.

In January 1987, Ms. F was invited. By the way, at that time I was studying a well-hit fortune-telling called Qi Men Dun Jia(奇門遁甲), and when I examined her fortune on the day, I found an ominous expectation that she would be attacked by a thug. It was tolled. I thought, "I have
to deliver her." On that day, she came in looking tired from work. The venue will walk on the discontinued rail from the J Metropolitan Assembly office. While walking together

Ms. F: "It's like traveling."
I: "(silence)"

Generally speaking, men are silent. I don't want to talk as much as possible. The opposite is true for women, who want to talk as much as possible. It may be due to the division of roles between men and women from ancient times, so-called gender, and although I like talking as a man, it is difficult to say "an important word" when dealing with women. Perhaps the trauma I received from my mother made it so. It's hard to say, "Well, let's travel together as it is?" She was in a bad mood at the lecture hall. When I tried to introduce her, Ms. F ignored it and started talking. Is it the influence of the conversation (?) I mentioned above?

When I told her that the course was completed successfully and I had a seat in Kokubunji, she tried to refuse "because there is a birthday party for my younger brother", but by all means, with my favorite friends, I took her to a Chinese restaurant that younger brothers also like. The intention was to rejuvenate her with a nutritious dish, a nourishing tonic Chinese liquor. She drank "Uchapee Chu(五加皮酒)", which she recommended "I'll be fine", and "It's delicious!"

But it's time for her to go home. I stood up and followed, leaving the other members behind, saying, "I'll send you." Because the purpose is to be her bodyguard. She hated it at first, but maybe she was tired of resisting, and she began to sigh in the seats sitting side by side in the car. At the station on the way, an old couple got in, so I gave up my seat to them, and I stood in front of Ms. F and thought while looking at her pretty sleeping face. "I don't care not to get married with this . What a man can't protect such a cute girl!" That was my determination, including the disaster prevention book I was planning to give her.

We arrived at the target station. She asked me again. "Why do you come with me !?" I replied. "This is work!" She ran, crying. "Be careful!" I said. In that situation, I thought that she would not be attacked by a thug. Then, I went to the study group to put up a memorandum of disaster prevention book "Disaster prevention-I'm not afraid of wolves" on the bulletin board of the study group. Call there-from Ms. F.

The ironic ending is, "I missed you! I didn't think you were so bad at the course! Don't show up in front of me for a while!" The course management was very familiar to me, so I quickly understood the true meaning of this statement. It is the duty of the course operator until I follow her and deliver it safely. It is the job. However, it was unpredictable that Ms. F, a woman, would reject and panic if she told her straight.

If she think that I come because of my romantic feelings, it's a bad thing for her to say that it's a job (although there was, of course). In that case, she would have no choice but to deny my ability to manage the course. At that time, I should have said this. : "Of course, I like you so I want to be by your side, but this time it's my job." I didn't have enough words. And I understood the true identity of the "thug". It was me. It's a thug to the mind, not the body. Here, too, the difference in sensitivity between men and women is clearly visible. After all, it is a difficult task for men and women to understand each other.

@ Until the end of dating

I was devoted to creating a "disaster book". It was a hard task of collecting materials and writing at the same time. There were several books borrowed from the study group, and when I went back to her and returned silently, Ms. F called out "Mr. Morishita!" And hurriedly handed me the newsletter that she had. I said "Thank you" and left the study group. I still have the newsletter. Because I was very glad enough.

The pamphlet was completed in 3 months, and after learning from "The research club of children's play and town", "The research club of Are you infected AIDS? " will be set up, and "A bit of 1000 yen or less, any number of units" will be invested. The person who "provides valuable information" is regarded as a member, and the completed pamphlet is distributed free of charge. The setting of "less than or equal to" is especially important, and some people only pay 50 yen. The cost of this project was 1000 yen per person. Even so, I distributed it to that person properly according to the purpose. About 80 copies were distributed, including Ms. F, of course. However, I did not hand it over directly, but sent it to her by mail. I wish I had met and handed it over directly. And I started living in the mountains.

As I wrote earlier, I did various things, but the psychological motivation for starting "papermaking" was that I wanted to write to Ms. F with the paper I made myself. About a year later, I had her meet in Tokyo. On the day of the event, I was excitedly waiting at the natural food restaurant where she used often, and she arrived about 20 minutes late. After a work meeting, I seemed so tired that my makeup was broken. Then, after talking for about an hour in a blunt manner, she said she would return for tomorrow's use.

I gave up with the feeling that "then, please do as you like". When she left the store, she looked back, but I smoked and ignored it. I thought, "Don't try me! I've made so much effort, but you haven't changed at all!" The next morning, I gave her a postcard. The idea was, "We rarely meet, so when I meet, I want to meet comfortably. See You Again!" After that, I have contacted her by mail or phone, but I have never met her. Love is over. Now she is a mother of three children.

Ms. F dispelled the fear and distrust of women (received from her mother) that I had. It also helped me write a book and helped me learn the art of making paper. As someone who can enhance each other, I will never forget her. Even though we are close to each other, we can't connect --- there is such a love. But I don't think that love is a waste of energy. I would like to emphasize that men and women are eternal teaching materials for each other.

(This blog is an excerpt from my book "The University of Tokyo's Lifelong Learning Theory".)

Updated once a week on Wednesday or Thursday.

In Japanese, Original


私の恋愛遍歴 その3

 素敵な女性と出会いました。それも、全く予期できない出会いでした。私だって恋をします。結婚まで意識した女性は10人近くいます。が、一度も成就したことがなく、2004年3月現在 いまだ独身です。44歳になりました。


 私は当時、グループNという、森林と林業の分野でメッセージを発信する組織にいました。1986年のことです。私にとって、忘れられない年です。この年の春先、母が精神病院を転々とした挙句、死去していました。5月にグループNに入会して、「子供キャンプ」などのイベントの引率者なども体験していました。そして9月に、あるタウン誌を発行しているおばさんから、「グループNの話をしてくれ」と依頼されました。それなら、他に適任者はいくらでもいる、と断ろうとしたのですが、「あなたでなくてはだめ」「それならいいですけど」「F女史も講師として呼んでいるのよ」「そんな人知りませんけど」  ―― こんなやり取りをしました。



 その話は、私に衝撃を与えました。F女史の所属する「The research club of children’s play and town:あえて英語で」の活動報告でした。そもそも、都市計画では従来「子供の遊び場」にはたいした価値が与えられておらず、なおざりでした。でも、それが立派な都市施設であることは間違いありません。その「遊び、遊び場」に焦点を合わせ、ユニークな実践活動をしていたのが「The research club of children’s play and town」でした。(発展的解消をして、今は存在しない会です。)F女史はその会の事務局長兼アイデアギャルでした。「日本の各地を活性化する住民運動に、トヨタ財団が懸賞500万を出すコンテスト」にてグランプリを獲得していました。「都市計画で、これほどの話が聞けるとは!」そして「なんて魅力的な女性なんだろう!」と思いました。

 もうひとりの講師の話が終わり、質疑応答の時間、私はなんだか私の左側に、もやもやしたなにかが見える、なんだろうと思って左手を差し出しました。彼女も手を差し出し、手が触れあいました。お互いに、電流が流れました。そして、手を引っ込めました。その事実は、私と彼女しか知りません。それでも、口さがないおばさんたちは、「お似合いよ」と言っていました。F女史が持ってきた「三世代遊び場図鑑」(The research club of children’s play and town・編)を、喉の乾いた旅人が水を求めるように購入しました。







ところが、「The research club of children’s play and town」の仕事は、厳しい現状認識に裏打ちされた中にも遊び心があります。「これは、都市計画を見直さなければならないな」と私は感じました。それを教えてくれたF女史を愛さないで居られましょうか?都市計画と衛生工学はベターハーフなのですから、私と彼女もベターハーフだと勝手に思いました。ちなみに研究会は、都市工学科とは直接のつながりはありませんでしたし、F女史も東大出身ではありません。














  私:「       (無言)」









パンフレットは3ヶ月で仕上げ、「The research club of children’s play and town」に習って、「エイズやないか研究会」を立ち上げ、「一口1000円以下、何口でも」出資してくれるか、「貴重な情報を提供」してくれた人を会員とみなし、出来上がったパンフレットを無償で配布する、といった具合です。「以下」という設定が特に重要で、なかには50円しかカンパしない人もいました。このプロジェックトの経費として一人1000円は必要でした。それでも趣旨に則り、ちゃんとその人にも配布しましたが。80部ほど配布しましたが、その中にはF女史も当然含まれています。ただ、直接手渡さず、郵送で彼女に送りました。会って直接渡せば良かったのに。そして私は山暮らしを始めました。


私は「それなら、勝手にどうぞ」といった気持で見送りました。店を出る時、彼女はこちらを振り返りましたが、私はタバコをふかしながら無視しました。「俺を試していやがるな!こっちはこれほど努力したのに、お前はちっとも変わってないじゃないか!」と言う思いでした。翌朝、彼女に葉書を出しました。「めったに会えないのだから、会うときは気持ちよく会いたいですね。See You Again!」という趣旨でした。その後は、郵便や電話で連絡を取ることはあっても、一度も会っていません。恋は終わったのです。今、彼女は3児の母だそうです。